Imagine a single decision that could save you from problems, frustrations, and the weight of accumulated negative emotions. Something so simple yet so powerful that it transforms how we experience our relationships. Because, in the end, what truly affects us is not what others say or do, but the meaning we attach to it. It's the burden we add when we take things personally.
Every time I take something personally, I enter a state I don’t want for myself. Instead of feeling happy, I feel miserable. Instead of feeling secure and loved, I feel insecure and abandoned. My thoughts lead me to doubt my worth, to feel undeserving, and that hurts. It hurts, and it affects the way I relate to the people I love the most.
I know the solution is simple. Not easy, but simple: to not take anything personally. However, until now, it’s been complicated. I find myself falling into the same patterns over and over, reacting automatically. I tell myself that this time will be the last, but it never is. And honestly, I’m tired of this cycle, of wearing myself down and damaging the relationship by not knowing how to let go.
So, what do I really need to do? I need to remember that when I don’t take things personally, I’m choosing a stance of respect, both toward myself and toward others. Respect for my own inner peace, because I don’t want to be dragged down by reactive emotions that end up causing harm. And respect toward the other person, accepting that their actions are merely a reflection of their own internal world and not an attack on me. If I want to build a strong, loving relationship, I need to uphold this mutual respect, practicing acceptance of the other as they are, without forcing them into my idea of who they “should be.”
Why is it that we want to change those closest to us, to make them fit into our expectations? While with those we don’t care about as much, we tend to accept their flaws, their tones, their moods, without much conflict. With strangers, it’s easier to say, “that’s just how they are.” But with the ones we love, we expect them to change, to speak to us a certain way, to fit our idea of “how a relationship should be.” And that’s exactly where we get tangled up in the trap of taking things personally.
So, if I want to stop taking things personally, I need to be mindful of two things: first, that when I decide not to take something personally, I am choosing a stance of respect toward myself, avoiding reactions from my wounds or impulses, and maintaining my inner peace. I am choosing to respect myself. And second, to remember that truly loving someone means letting go of the desire to change them, which in turn means respecting their process, recognizing that their words, tones, and attitudes are a reflection of their own wounds and impulses, and have nothing to do with me. To remember and reaffirm that I choose to love this person with those wounds, those impulses, and all their imperfections. When there is absolute acceptance, there is no space for offense, no room for taking things personally, because there are no expectations—only love, respect, and acceptance***.
So this is my task now: to remind myself, over and over, that nothing is personal. To remember it until it becomes as automatic as reacting once was. And, in the end, to know that love can only grow to the extent that we let go, accept, and stop expecting the other person to be someone different.
Thank you for reading this far. I hope this journey of reflection inspires you to let go of what no longer serves you and embrace what brings you peace. See you in the next article.
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***I feel the need to clarify that acceptance of others ends when they cross the line of respect; boundaries must always be clearly defined.
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