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The Social Mirage: The Shocking Truth About Fitting In vs. Truly Belonging

In a world where social acceptance forms the cornerstone of our existence, the struggle between belonging and fitting in is a silent battle many of us face daily. Renowned researcher Brené Brown sheds light on this issue, positing that the quest for true belonging is often overshadowed by our attempts to fit in, a process that not only demands a sacrifice of our individuality but also betrays the essence of who we are.


At the heart of Brené Brown's argument lies a simple, yet profound, truth: the opposite of belonging is not as one would imagine, isolation or rejection, but actually, fitting in. Fitting in, as Brown describes, is about assessing and adapting to the expectations of those around us. It's about asking ourselves, "Who do I need to be? What do I need to say? How should I act?" This adaptation, however, comes at the cost of our authentic selves. True belonging, in stark contrast, demands that we remain true to who we are. It's about finding our tribe not because we've changed to meet its standards, but because our genuine selves resonate with the group's essence.


Humans, by nature, crave acceptance and fear rejection. This innate desire propels us towards conformity, often leading us to suppress our uniqueness in exchange for acceptance. Society, with its myriad norms and expectations, plays a significant role in this. It crafts a narrative where deviation from the norm is not just frowned upon but outright rejected. The result is a pervasive culture of fitting in at the cost of one's individuality.


Research suggests a startling reality: only 2% of people are truly aware of their thoughts and consciously shape their lives accordingly, 3% of people think they are aware of their thoughts, and the remaining majority live in a state of unawareness, guided by unexamined thoughts and beliefs. Ironically, it is the approval of this majority that many seek, sacrificing their uniqueness in the process. Yet, it is the aware 5%—those true to themselves—that we should aspire to align with. Their authenticity and self-awareness are what truly resonate with the essence of belonging.

Our uniqueness and authenticity are the very sources of our magic and power. Embracing our individuality is where we find our strength and beauty. It is this authenticity that should be celebrated and promoted within society, starting from the foundational levels of our education system. Rather than forcing children into a one-size-fits-all mold, we should be nurturing their individual talents, interests, and pace of learning. This shift could pave the way for a society that values belonging over fitting in.

 Some practices we can incorporate into our daily lives to embrace individuality and find belonging are:

  • Self-awareness: Cultivate a deep understanding of your thoughts, beliefs, and values. Meditation and journaling can be powerful tools in this journey.

  • Celebrate Your Uniqueness: Acknowledge and take pride in your strengths, talents, and differences. These are what set you apart and will guide you to where you truly belong.

  • Seek Authentic Connections: Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are, not who they want you to be. True belonging is found in these authentic connections.

  • Embrace Vulnerability: Being true to yourself requires vulnerability. It’s about being open about who you are, even if it means facing rejection from those who prefer conformity.

My own journey underscores the importance of these insights. For years, I struggled with feeling like I didn't belong, grappling with limiting beliefs that I wasn't enough and that I was so different that I was unable to connect. Despite this, a resilient part of me refused to sacrifice my authenticity to fit in. This internal conflict led to isolation, yet it was a crucial part of my journey towards self-discovery. Understanding and embracing my true self has opened the doors to true belonging, where I am celebrated for who I am, not chastised for who I'm not.

 The journey from fitting in to finding where you truly belong is a path paved with self-discovery, courage, and authenticity. It's about breaking free from the chains of societal expectations and embracing the beauty of our individuality. By fostering environments that celebrate uniqueness and promote authenticity, we can create a society where everyone finds their place of true belonging. Let us strive not for a world where we fit in, but for one where we belong, simply by being our authentic selves.

🦹🏻‍♀️🥷🏻🫶🏻🐛🦋🌀 From my authentic self to yours, until next week.



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